Passsed the Past


One day, I felt different and had no idea what was happening with me. I decided to get into my room, sat beside my bed and start to pray even though I didn’t have any specific matter to be prayed for, furthermore, it’s not ‘my style’ to have devotion time at noon. But once I closed my eyes, I knew I should do this. Tears came out of my eyes, I prayed in a very slow speed, sounds like I should say it in details and carefully. His presence was there around me. Holy Spirit guided me to pray about many things.


One of main points in my pray was my past. Before this, I did pray for my past sins, but sometimes I feel like trapped there. Maybe this is what people called intimidation by sin / evil. When I closed my eyes, all of my bad pasts seemed like a movie clip. I remembered all what I have done this recent years. When I got into a deep dark valley and try to forget His love for something, someone that even not worth fighting for. I felt ashamed with everything. I said it again to God, every single thing that I have done that hurt Him for sure.

He keeps His faithfulness till the end, even though I’m not that faithful. Knowing this day by day is breaking my heart. How many times did I make Him smile? Comparing with the times that I made Him sad. I often make Him sad with my life. I felt so guilty and my doubt came out again..

Till the second I asked Him in prayer. “Do You still love me Lord?”

It was not a good ending of a pray, huh? But I stopped prayed and open my daily devotion guide book. I opened the bible exactly like what written in my guide book. I have no idea what’s the theme for today. It’s written Luke 15 : 11-32


Once I started to read my bible, I cannot stop tears that came out.

“God, Lord Jesus how could you answer my hesitation this quick.”

It’s the verse about ‘The Parable of the Lost Son’. I kept read it with my voice, saw that all the sentences typed in red color made me sure that He answered me directly. (Red colored words In NIV Bible means that Jesus Christ Himself says that) . I continued my devotion time with the stories in my guide book. Below, I re-type the written story :

“My colleague told of a dream whereby he came to feel the forgiveness of God. In this dream, he told God that he wished to be forgiven for the wrongs he had done. God responded by asking him to list his transgressions on a blackboard. He started writing a list of what he considered to be “minor sins.” To his surprise, as rapidly as he wrote God erased the words. Amazed, my friend wondered what would happen with more “major sins”. He began to add what he thought to be more serious offenses. Almost in disbelief, he saw the same erasing occur. No matter what he wrote, God quickly erased it.” (The Upper Room,p.12)

Here beside my bed, read both the bible verse and the devotion guide book’s story above, I felt the same thing! I amazed by His love. He show me the answer and prove that He never break His promises. He gives me very much gifts, blesses, and many more in my life. Start from the Internships, all the people around me, my happy family, even my pre theses. He does care about me after all what I have done! He is not human who can break His own promises. My God, Jesus Christ is alive.


I believe no coincidence. There are just three things in life. God’s will, Human’s free will to make their decision, and consequences.

I know about that parable of the Lost Son since I was a child. But, that day, God gave me the wisdom to know deeper about the parable, and how could I mean it in my life.

We cannot hide from God. Most times when we are facing the worst time, we give up and hide with all the guilty feelings. The same thing happened with me, that time, I felt so wrong and I’m not ‘holy’ enough to pray to God with all the sins. But I did TOTALLY WRONG.

Vice versa, the truth is God wants us to confess everything which are we feel that is wrong, and that might make Him sad. Confess means we realize that we have done something wrong, and try our best to commit to not do the same thing again. He wants us to surrender with everything we are. Once we pray to God, and commit to His words and promises, He will clean us up like we are new creations.

I don’t know how about you or your past life. But if you feel like trapped by past sins, or current sins, I’m telling you for sure that you will see the grace of God more and more when you confess and put the burden off through a pray, an intimate time with God. Just you and Him.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: